How can I get my teen to talk to me?

Communicating with teens isn’t always easy—especially for parents. As your children hit their middle and late adolescent years, they face a significant developmental phase in which they begin asserting more independence, pulling away from their parents.

If you and your teen are struggling to communicate, here are a few expert-driven tips to help you get them to talk with you more openly:

• Listen to your teen. Asking direct questions isn’t always the best route. Simply listening to your teen shows them that you’re not pressuring them to share information.
• Show that you trust your teen. As their independence grows, teens want to be taken seriously. Asking them for a simple favor or volunteering a privilege is an effective way to show them that you rely on them.
• Avoid being a dictator. “Because I said so” are the four most unproductive words when communicating with teens. If they attempt to push boundaries, give them a thoughtful explanation on why that boundary is set is more effective than simple enforcing limits.
• Give your teen praise. Find opportunities to be positive and encouraging. Your teen may seem like they could care less about your opinion, but they do seek out your approval.
• Keep your emotions in check. If your teen is being aggressive or disrespectful, it’s important to maintain control of your temper—no matter how frustrating the situation may be. Take a break from the conversation if you need to.
• Find things to do together. If you’re struggling to talk to your teen (and vice versa), finding opportunities to spend time together can help draw them out down the line. Invite them to join you on an evening walk, watch a movie together, partake in an activity that you both enjoy without the pressure of a conversation.
• Be observant of your teen. If you see a change in your teen’s day-to-day behaviors or activities, it’s important to take note. Significant changes in mood, behavior, energy level, or appetite may allude to a greater issue—and you may need to contact a professional for help.

Is my teen on drugs?

If you suspect your teen is on drugs, the best thing to do is take a close look at their physical, emotional, and mental behaviors. There are a number of warning signs the Partnership to End Addiction recommends to look out for that may suggest your teen is using drugs:

• Shifts in mood and personality. Watch for any of the following changes to your teen’s behavior. Check for shifts in mood or personality. Does your teen appear to have any of the following characteristics?
  • Sullen, Withdrawn or Depressed
  • Unmotivated
  • Silent or Uncommunicative
  • Hostile or Angry
  • Deceitful or Secretive
  • Unable to Focus
  • Sudden Loss of Inhibitions
  • Hyperactive or Unusually Elated
• Changes in behavior If your teen shows any major shifts in their day-to-day behavior, it may be a warning sign that they’re using drugs. Have you observed any of the following changes in your teen?
  • Change in Relationships with Family, Friends, or Loved Ones
  • Loss of Interest or Participation in School, Work, or Other Activities
  • Avoiding Eye Contact
  • Locking Doors or Greater Emphasis on Physical Isolation
  • Disappearing for Long Periods of Time
  • Goes Out Often, Frequently Breaking Curfew
  • Secretive Phone Use
  • Makes Seemingly Endless Excuses
  • Uses Chewing Gum or Mints to Freshen Breath
  • Frequent Use of OTC Products to Reduce Eye Reddening or Nasal Irritation
  • Cash Flow Problems
  • Unusually Clumsy, Stumbling, or Lack of Coordination
  • Periods of Sleeplessness or High Energy Followed by Long Periods of “Catch Up” Sleep
• Physical health warnings. Drug use creates a number of significant physical impacts for any user, regardless of age, though they can be especially devastating in teens that are still developing physically. Has your teen shown any of the following physical health effects?
  • Frequent Illness
  • Unusually Tired or Lethargic
  • Slurred or Rapid-Fire Speech
  • Nosebleeds or Runny Noses (not caused by allergies or sickness)
  • Mouth Sores or Spots
  • Sudden or Dramatic Weight Loss or Gain
  • Skin Abrasions or Bruises
  • Frequent Perspiration
  • Seizures and/or Vomiting

While none of these are a guarantee that your teen is using drugs, they’re still reliable indicators for teens that are abusing licit or illicit substances. Be sure to search for evidence of drug use and prepare to have a serious conversation with your teen to uncover the truth.

If you suspect your teen is using drugs, you can contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline 24/7, 365 days a year for free, confidential treatment referral and information services in both English and Spanish.

What drugs do teens use?

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, alcohol and marijuana are the most abused drugs used by teens and adolescents alike.

From 2018 to 2019, teen marijuana vaping increased more in a single year than any other increase observed by Monitoring the Future in the past 45 years. Here are how many high school students reported vaping marijuana in the past 12 months:

• 8th Grade: 7% (up 3.5% from 2018)
• 10th Grade: 19% (up 7.6% from 2018)
• 12th Grade: 21% (up 8.1% from 2018)

Monitoring the Future also reported significant rises in the following substances used by teens:

• Nicotine Vaping
• LSD
• Daily Marijuana Use

The following substances use levels remained steady among teens between 2018 and 2019:

• Alcohol
• Annual Marijuana Use
• Other Hallucinogens
• Cocaine
• MDMA
• Heroin

The following substance use levels declined among teens between 2018 and 2019:

• Prescription Opioids
• Amphetamines
• Any Prescription Drug
• Cigarette Smoking
• Smokeless Tobacco
• Snus
• Dissolvable Tobacco
• Hookah
• Cigars

How can I prevent my teen from drinking?

Alcohol is the most frequently used substance by teens. By age 15, nearly 30% of adolescents have had at least one alcoholic drink. By 18, that number jumps to 58%.

How can you prevent your teen from drinking? Educating both your child and yourself about the dangers and impact of underage drinking is key.

SAMHSA released a number of steps you can take to prevent your teen from drinking as part of their Underage Drinking Prevention National Media Campaign.

• Be aware of factors that may increase your teen’s risk of alcohol use.
  • Significant Social Transitions (graduating, getting their driver’s license, etc.)
  • History of Social Problems
  • History of Depression/Emotional Problems
  • Family History of Alcoholism
  • Contact with Peers Involved in Troubling Activities
• Be a positive role model for your teen.
  • Avoid alcohol in high-risk situations.
  • Get help if you have an alcohol problem.
  • Don’t give alcohol to your teen.
• Support your teen and give them space to grow.
  • Be involved in your teen’s life.
  • Encourage their growing independence while setting appropriate limits.
  • Make it easy for your teen to talk to you and share information about their life.
  • Know where your teen is, what they’re doing, whom they’re with, and who their friends are.
  • Make an effort to get to know your teen’s friends’ parents and share your rules about underage drinking with them.
  • Find ways for your teen to be involved in your family life.
  • Set clear rules about alcohol use and enforce them.
  • Help your teen find ways to have fun without alcohol.
  • Don’t let your teen attend parties or events where alcohol is served.
  • Help your teen avoid dangerous situations (i.e. riding in a car with someone who has been drinking).
  • Get your teen professional help if you’re worried about their involvement with alcohol.
  • Create a family pledge between you and your children that promises they won’t participate in underage drinking.
• Work with schools, communities, and the government to protect children from underage alcohol use by ensuring that:
  • Schools and the community support and reward teens decisions not to drink.
  • Schools and the community identify and intervene with children engaged in underage drinking early.
  • Underage drinking rules are in place at home, at school, and in the community.
  • Agreements about acceptable behavior is established, well-known, and applied consistently.
  • Parties and social events both at home and outside of the home don’t permit underage drinking.

By participating in community programs like Ossining Communities That Care, you can start talking to your teen about the dangers of alcohol use to help them avoid underage drinking.

Is vaping bad for you?

Yes, vaping is bad for you—especially for your teen. You can learn more about the dangers of teen vaping.

E-cigarettes and vaping products contain nicotine, an addictive, harmful substance no matter how they’re consumed, as well as a range of other chemicals that are known to cause significant health damage.

Emerging data suggests that vaping is associated with a range of negative health and mental effects, including:

• Chronic Lung Disease
• Asthma
• Popcorn Lung
• Vaping-Related Lipoid Pneumonia
• Primary Spontaneous Pneumothorax (Collapsed Lung)

As of 2020, the CDC, U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), state and local health departments, and clinical and public health partners are investigating a national outbreak of e-cigarettes, or vaping, product-use associated lung injury (EVALI).

Who is responsible for teen smoking?

Did you know that 75% of smokers take up smoking before they’re 21—and 45% begin before they’re 18?

In order to prevent teen smoking, it’s important to understand why teens begin smoking in the first place. According to the American Lung Association, these are the primary factors that cause teens to start smoking:

• Their parents are smokers.
• Peer pressure.
• They see smoking as an act of rebellion and independence.
• They believe that everyone else is smoking.
• Marketing tactics on behalf of the tobacco industry.
• States with low tobacco taxes.
• They want to try new things but lack the emotional and mental maturity to think of long-term consequences.
• The feel-good effects of nicotine.

There are a broad range of factors that influence teen smokers—but you and your community are the most important factors in preventing it. Working with organizations like Ossining Communities That Care can help you prevent your teen from picking up smoking.

How can I prevent my teen from using substances?

As a parent, you’re the biggest influence on your teen. By participating in organizations like Ossining Communities That Care, you can help prevent your teen from using—and abusing—substances if you STAY CLOSE-KNIT:

• Solve problems together from the earliest age.
• Take family meals together.
• Affirm your support, affection, and encouragement every day.
• Yield the microphone to your teen.
• Connect in a meaningful way every day.
• Let them practice saying “no thanks” to drugs and alcohol in the safety net of your family.
• Offer the right behavior for them to model.
• Set clear no-use expectations about alcohol and drugs.
• Enforce consequences.
• Know their world.
• Notice changes in their mood or behavior.
• Impress them with your command of the facts and issues around substance use.
• Talk.